Oh. Please.

How to Get Inside a Guy’s Mind? Really? Wow. I hope women don’t actually believe any of this. This is more like “What Women Think Men Actually Mean When They Speak.” Sure, there are some guys out there who don’t say what they mean. I think they’re called “gay”. What the hell’s this bit about “guys aren’t the best at articulating what they’re thinking”? If we want to voice it, we do. There’s no secret code. Don’t try to interpret what we mean when we say something. We say what we mean. It’s women who cannot speak without some damn decoder ring and five ciphers to uncover the secret meaning of what comes out of their pieholes. Seriously, we did not need the Navajo Codetalkers, we could just have used women.

You know the old rub about how the person who’s doing the cheating is the one most suspicious of being cheated on? It’s the same damn symptom here. Women cannot speak without using secret codes and handshakes and signals and passphrases, so they think men are the same way. We are perfectly capable of articulating what we’re feeling, we just don’t want to. It’s not our thing. Accept it. Consider number 3 in the list at the link to be the worst offender in the list. Trust me, no man actually thinks be messed up any woman but good. She might have gotten upset, but that’s usually caused by the woman’s inability to be rational and trust that a guy means the actual words that come out of his head. We have real things to worry about instead of all your lame-ass, faulty translations.

Oh, and there’s really only one activity that men want to engage in for bonding with their partner and it sure as hell ain’t conversation. Women just get upset when we tell them that’s what we want so we can get on with our day already. We have no difficulty articulating what we’re thinking. We just don’t want to. Arguments start when you niggle at us and dig and nag and annoy and pester until we leave and take our shit with us. We just don’t have to put up with it. But don’t worry, you can tell your friends how closed-off we were and how much better you are without us. We’ll get by.